ANGER and Women
Yesterday, I attended Elizabeth Gilbert's show in Melbourne. It was wonderful—a combination of captivating storytelling, vulnerably sharing her spiritual and creative journey, the wisdom she’s gained along the way, and plenty of laughter. (She is one great spiritual empowerment stand-up comedian.)
At the end of the show, during the Q&A session, one woman asked: “How can I deal with my anger? I’ve been trying so hard, but I’m constantly angry with my kids and husband, and I feel ashamed of it.”
After a long pause, Elizabeth responded thoughtfully: First, she emphasized that anger is natural and okay—it shows where your boundaries have been overstepped. It could also be tied to perfectionism, about how things should be but aren't, or even the perfectionism of thinking that expressing anger itself is wrong, especially for women.
She went on to explain that, historically, Western culture (especially under Christian ideology) hasn’t provided a female archetype or deity that depicts anger as a source of power and empowerment. While there are examples in other cultures—such as Kali in Hinduism, a fierce woman who channels her anger as a tool for transformation—Western traditions don’t have similar representations of women’s anger as strength. For instance, figures like Eve and Mother Mary are often presented as obedient and self-sacrificing, leaving out any representation of anger.
However, I remembered, that there is a figure who represents this power, but was smartly edited out and given “evil” vibes and punishment consequences in Christian - Patriarchal ideology: Lilith, the first wife of Adam. She was expelled from Eden for her "anger," which was actually her ability to advocate for herself, assert her needs, and set boundaries. Lilith embodied gender equality in a way that was not distorted or oppressive. For curios, here is my article about Lilith : https://artofflowtherapy.com/blog/black-lilith-archetype
Reflecting on Lilith made me consider how anger manifests in women today, particularly in Western society. Often, women are encouraged to suppress their anger, hiding it under layers of “sweetness” or “perfection.” This leads to internalised anger, which, when not expressed, turns inward, contributing to emotional distress and physical health issues. Suppressed anger can also manifest in passive-aggressive tactics, gossip & criticism, micromanaging, or controlling behaviour with children and spouses. Studies have shown that repressed anger, particularly in women, can lead to emotional distress, anxiety, depression, and even chronic health issues. Anger that isn’t expressed can build up in the body, contributing to stress-related conditions like heart disease, autoimmune disorders, and gastrointestinal problems. Reclaiming anger as a tool for self-empowerment and growth—much like the archetype of Lilith—can help women cultivate healthier, more balanced emotional lives.
All that Anger simply needs to be acknowledged. Once we accept that it exists, we can explore why it’s there and find healthy outlets for releasing it.
One way to explore anger is by taking a brief moment to reflect on the following questions:
If anger had a sound, what would it be?
If anger had a color, what would it be?
If anger had a texture, what would it be?
Where in your body do you feel anger accumulating?
What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of anger and its expression?
Write down your answers and get curious about why you came up with those responses. What are the underlying reasons? You might uncover some fascinating insights about your own relationship with anger.